have a long cry
Yesterday was an overwhelming day.
Saturday. Beautiful weather. Sunny and warm.
People in the streets with their kids and bikes, enjoying the last summer days.
The place is apocalyptic*. I can barely see the parquet.
In the corridor, I can’t walk straight: lean to the left to avoid frames, to the right to avoid boxes, a vacuum cleaner and stuff to donate.
The hallway? An accumulation of things, a selection of more or less useful stuff you have in life: stuffed animals, towels, statuettes, 2 rolled carpets.
The living room: a crowded area where the family gathers, eats, and tries to live. Among boxes, an unboxed TV, small tables, plastic water bottles, socks, a glass of milk, a pizza box…
Hubby? Dealing with a last minute stressful work emergency. Doing the best he can. The best he can being far less than what we need to handle the situation and get things done.
The little ones? Tired of being stuck home. Tired of watching Youtube. Tired of being told we’re busy. Tears and requests. Requests and tears.
His Dudeness? Tensed because a young adult has problems he doesn’t necessarily want to share.
Me? Unrealistically thinking we can finish this same day. Scrubbing, unpacking, cleaning, folding, getting rid of mold.
Desperately hoping. Slowly realizing it’s impossible. Resisting. Working harder.
No visible progress.
Kids crying. Hubby and I arguing.
Tension in the air.
Anger. Frustration. Impatience.
9 PM. I’m exhausted. A whole day of swimming against the current.
Still, I couldn’t make it.
I go to the coffee place to write and start crying.
I’ve had enough fighting for today.
I can’t fight anymore.
I go back home, lock myself in Duderina’s bedroom while she’s sleeping in mine.
And I cry.
I cry for the mess around me.
I cry for the energy I wasted.
I cry for my family in Morocco that I miss.
I cry for my lost childhood.
I cry for my mom who’s not here anymore.
I cry because my kids are going to grow old.
I cry and I cry and I cry.
I cry until there is no more reasons I can think of to cry.
I know I feel better when I think: “this is a good self-care idea to share”.
Then I laugh.
Human beings are weird creatures.
*if you’ve just started following The Self-Care Journey, our family moved to NYC from Washington DC 2 weeks ago and our place is a mess.
WHY IS IT SELF-CARE?
Emotional tears’ main function is to help us release tensions and regulate our feelings: anger, frustration, sadness or grief. Crying helps us heal and process our emotions and thus gain more balance.
MORE ABOUT THIS
“To stay healthy and release stress, I encourage my patients to cry” says Judith Orloff, MD ans assistant professor at UCLA and author of The Empathy’s survival guide.
More reasons to cry on one of her papers in Psychology Today: The health benefits of tears